When Neville Verses Voldemort...
by Taxman
Summary: Does Neville have what it takes to outwit the most infamous man in the wizarding word? We'll have to see about that.


When Neville Verses Voldemort

It was a dark and stormy night. Everyone was asleep within the Gryffindor boys dorm, all except Neville, that is.

"Tommy the toad is better than rubber ducky!" Neville said, waving his two favorite toys around.

"You are nuts, toad! Ducky is better!" There was a flash of lightning. Neville cowered under his sheets. It was then he heard a voice, comming from out the windows....

"Ow! Oh! For heavens sake, what is all this sharp stuff on these vines! YAH!" It was apparent this person had stumbled across Nevilles steak knife collection he hid in the vines.

In about ten minutes, the man on the vines had opened the window and climbed in the dormitory. Neville climbed out of his bed, and walked up to the man.

"Howdy Mister!" Neville shouted. The man jumped in the air and hit his head on a lamp.

"OW!" He shouted. He turned to face Neville, and immeadietly pointed his wand at him.

"You have seen Lord Voldemort sneaking in," He said. "For that I shall destroy you!" He was about to speak, when Neville interupted.

"Mister," He said. "Why do you want to kill me?" Voldemort looked annoyed.

"Kid, isn't it obvious? You saw me sneaking in here. If I were to let you live, you would tell people, and I'd be in trouble."

"Why?"

"Argh! Don't you get it?" Voldemort said. "I am the bad guy! The people here are the good guys. They catch me, I am in trouble. UNDERSTAND?" But Neville wasn't listening.

"Why are your eyes all red, Mister?" Voldemort was very annoyed.

"It's because I spaypainted them red! DUH! They are like that because I am EVIL!"

"What's your real name, mister?" Neville said timidly.

"Kid," Voldemort said, sighing. "Does it really matter? Just stand still, and let me kill you, already! AVADA K-"

"What does that spell do?"

"It's the spell that makes bunnies come out of my hat! DUH! It's Avada Kedavra! It kills you!"

"Bunnies!" Neville cried in glee.

"NO!NO!NO!NO! I was kidding! NO BUNNIES!" Neville stood still for a second, and then burst into tears.

"Kid, please stop crying!" Voldemort shouted hastily over Neville's sobs. "You're going to get me in a lot of trouble! Please! People will hear you! Aww, c'mon! Please stop! I'll give you some Berty Bott's every flavor beans!" Neville stopped crying at once and began eating the bag.

"Hmm, I wonder what this brown one is...It could be coffee. But, it could be dirt! Yuck! Or, it could be brownies!"

Two hours later........

"But, it could be a Moca Late, rather than Mint Late-"

"Kid! JUST EAT THE STUPID BEAN!!!!!!" Voldemort shouted. "Kid, you lack much intellegence. I doubt you can stand a couldron the right way up!"

"That's what all my friends say!" Neville said.

"I'm not surprised. Now, kid, it's time for you to go. Please just stand still. Avada Kedavera!"

"OOH! Gum!" Neville ducked down to get it, and the beam of green light missed.

"ARRRRGH! I missed! Kid, stand still this time! AVADA KEDAVERA!"

"It's dark in here. I'm going to light my lamp." Neville ducked again and turned on his lamp.

"KID! JUST STAND STILL!!! AVADA KEDAVERA!"

"You know, I think I'll dance!" Neville began dancing aroiund the room.

"AVADA KEDAVERA! AVADA KEDAVERA! AVADA KEDAVERA!!!!!!" Thousand of green beams burst from his wand.

"C'mon, Mister! Bring it around town!" All the beams missed his body as he danced.

"I'm done!" Neville said, and sat down. "Boy, I am tired. Umm, what were you doing here again?"

"I can't take this anymore......AHHHHHHHHHH!!" Voldemort jumped out the window.

"HAAAA! Safe-" But he landed in the least place he wanted to.

"Hello, Tom." Dumbledore said. "What a surprise it is to see you so, uh, soon. Mind if we have a chat in my office?" Neville smiled as Voldemort yelled a million death threats at him as he was dragged away.

"What a nice man. I should visit him sometime." Just then, the other Gryffindor boys woke up.

"Who was that yelling?" Harry said.

"Just a friend," Neville said.

The End


End file.
